A sketch of Calder, concerned.
It’s also, strangely, perhaps a reflection of certain creative frustrations I’m experiencing at the moment.
I have to stop being afraid to lift up my pen and write words down, stop being afraid of writing or creating ‘something not good enough’ on the first try, because these are the very thoughts that are holding me back creatively. Lately, although I have all sorts of stories and characters swimming around my headspace, I haven’t written a thing because I’m being too precious with my ideas (“This won’t do! This first sentence isn’t good enough, urgh! Today isn’t my day, I might feel like writing it tomorrow, etc”).
There’s no ghoul standing behind me, judging the quality of the words of my first draft as I write them down. If anyone, that ghoul is me, agonising over every word to the point that any passion for the story disappears and writing becomes less an expression of the self, and more a kind of pained ‘scientific process’ that leaves me obsessing, ‘is this the right word to put in this part of the sentence?’, or ‘is the wording pretty enough’?
It’s important, yeah, but not to the point where I found myself crippled and unable to write anything at all, out of fear. It’s killing me, because I really want to write this tale and nothing - NOTHING - is holding me (and the story itself!) back except for my own attitude.
Alright, that’s it. I’ve had it.
Doubts, AWAY with you! I’ve got a story to write!